Don't Steal Toilet Paper If Your Name is "Butts"

If your name is a synonym for "ass," they must keep you on a short leash. Suzanne Marie Butts gets a five finger discount on three rolls of TP from a courthouse in Iowa. She's caught. She's arrested. She's booked. She's in jail for three years. One year per roll it seems. One hell of a crappy sentence.

Wait! The stupidity doesn't end there! Keep the idiot parade party rollin! Butts has a sympathizer in Florida who feels sorry for her and wants the good peoples around the USA to send a roll of toiler paper to the Marshall County Courthouse where they're still slappin each other in the ass over solving the mysterious case of disappearing sandpaper from the bathrooms. Butts' number one fan says that she hopes to get one million Americans to send in a roll of the nation's finest. Hey, can someone with a really big calculator calculate the carbon footprint of this stunt for me?

Of course, you gotta wonder what made her want to steal toilet paper from a government building of all places. Did she have a massive paper mache project to finish? She wasn't seriously planning on wiping her ass with courthouse TP, was she? State owned toilet paper... that's like free food at a skanky dive closed down for a Hep C outbreak.

Go ahead, laugh your ass off:
http://www.kcci.com/news/13497897/detail.html