Teen gets Mich. gov.'s old cell number (AP) - AP - A high school student got a little taste of what it's like to be Michigan's governor — and didn't find it too appealing.

A cell phone number Katie Kamar received about five months ago once belonged to Gov. Jennifer Granholm...She told the Detroit Free Press her phone would ring for the governor at all hours.

If it were me, I'd have preferred to do the gubernatorial simulation the California way... by running against Mary Carey and Gary Coleman in the runoff election held a few years ago.

A Washington DC Administrative Hearings Judge is taking the owners of his neighborhood dry cleaners to the cleaners in a $65 million lawsuit over a pair of pants that he claims that they lost. Yeah, $65 million for a pair of pants!?! Yup, and here's how he systematically came up with that number.

• $1000 - The price of the full suit that went with the lost pair of pants
• $15,000 - The estmated amount of money he'll have to spend to rent a car every weekend to take his dry cleaning elsewhere for the next 10 years (about $30/rental... at least he's not into renting Hummers)
• $64,800,000 -Consumer Fraud (see the breakdown)
  • $1500 per incident x 12 incidents a day = $18,000
  • $18,000/day x 1200 days = $21,600,000
  • $21,600,000 x 3 defendants

Here's the deal. He claims that he's suing on behalf of everyone who got screwed like him by the dry cleaner. And how is his experience fraud? There's a sign on the wall of the dry cleaners that says "Satisfaction Guaranteed" and "Same Day Service." He wasn't satisfied and they couldn't find his pants so they weren't giving him same day service so he's suing them for every day that he's felt dissatisfied about his pants. So that's how you end up with a $65 million dollar pair of pants. It's creative math for sure, like the kind some people use to cook their tax returns to cut their taxes and get more money back. The way this guy's interpreting fraud, he just might be interpreting his entire tax bill as a charitable contribution. Anyone at the IRS paying attention? (or did that get overrun with loyal Bushies too?)

Ok, this whole 15 detained UK sailors thing just keeps getting stranger. First the fifteen sailors get released unexpectedly, though there's just some wild speculation that maybe the US releasing some of its Iranian detainees may have had something to do with it. (Wild speculation...Cough Cough) So, the Britons are released, but not before getting a new wardrobe and gift baskets in front of an Iranian media feeding frenzy in a scene reminiscent of the Academy Awards. The only thing missing was the red carpet and the gold statuettes.

Weirdness over, right? No wait! There's more! Now Iran is coming out with a book and CD about the ordeal. What!? A CD? Come on! If it's not in HD, I say screw it! I want my propaganda in High Def! In America, we've become used to having choices. We can get our disinformation in any format we choose.

So...I'll pass on this once in a lifetime chance to own a bit of history, but I hear that there'll be a limited edition box set coming out a month after the release of the standard CD and commemorative book. I could be swayed to get that if its available on Amazon.com. I hear there's rare unreleased footage on the box set including a rap video featuring the 15 sailors mixin rhymes with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad about how the Holocaust never existed.

CNN:Iran plans book, CD on Britons' detention

Yoshiro Nakamatsu has failed to win the mayoral position of Tokyo for four times running, but he's not deterred. He plans to continue to run throughout the rest of his calculated lifespan or 16 more times. He's 78 right now and believes he'll live to be 144 through a series of health gadgets and routines that he invented. Casting aside the obvious kookiness of his claim, you gotta wonder how he could have lost on a platform that included lowering taxes and introducing a missle defense system that would make North Korean missles make a U turn.

Ok, now how does a man live to be 144? Through a rigorously controlled nutritional regimen that includes extensive documentation of everything he eats. His has been doing this for over 34 years! He has photos and records of everything he's put into his body for 34 years and has won an Ig Nobel prize for his stunning achievement. He sleeps four hours a day and takes power naps in a sleep chair that he invented to maximize the restorative powers of his naps. He was claimed as "Our Kind of Weird" by a website that profiles the ccentric. I concur. This man is indeed my kind of weird. 

Four-time Tokyo poll loser eyes 16 more runs (Reuters)

Florida, you're off the hook for controversial elections. You too Ohio. You can thank Missouri City, MO for electing a city council member who managed to squeak in by 0 votes. It wasn't exactly a tie because the other guy didn't get any votes. Well... actually, there was no other guy. The winner got ZERO votes... not even from himself because he, uh, forgot that it was election day.

Based on the current standard in the White House, I think this man has the goods to be prez-uh-dent some day. He'll just need a little work on things like pretending to land planes on aircraft carriers and... oh yeah, come out with his own yoga book.

SFGate.com: Even Unopposed, Candidate Gets No Votes

So much for election reform in rural China. The village people are PISSED because they want their payola!

“The villagers aren't happy at an election without bribery,” an old woman was quoted as saying.

Villagers want their bribes

Councilman Picks Tails, Loses Election
Temple City, CA -- The election for his seat on the Temple City council ended in a two-way tie. The city lacks provisions to hold a runoff vote, so the incumbent proposed breaking the tie with a coin toss. Then he called tails, and lost. Read Article

Advice for the ex-incumbent. Next time try dueling pistols. That way if you lose stupidly like this, you won't live to be a walking joke. If there were a political Darwin Awards, I'd nominate this guy.

Priests to Purify Site After Bush Visit
Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week, an official with close ties to the group said Thursday. Read Article

I know there has to be a market for this kind of service. If they offered this service in the US, they'd be billionaires. I hope they're not booked in January 2009. We'll need them for a gig at the White House.

Dog Store Sign Angers Seattle Residents

A newly opened store catering to very pampered dogs, especially female dogs, is getting more than questioning looks for its name, High Maintenance Bitch.

"I am probably the most progressive liberal person in the world and I am personally offended by the sign," said Janet Stillman, executive director of the Wallingford Neighborhood Office. "It's so blatant and so in your face." Read Article

The most progressive liberal person in the world would be offended by the name "High Maintenance Bitch?" Who woulda thunk it! Let's poll the second most progressive liberal person in the world and find out what he/she thinks.

Lawmaker Comes Down on Plastic Gonads
Fake bull testicles and other anatomically explicit vehicle decorations would be banned from Maryland roads under a bill pending in the state legislature.

The measure was filed in the General Assembly Monday by Delegate LeRoy E. Myers Jr., R-Washingon, who says children shouldn't be exposed to giant plastic gonads dangling from pickup truck trailer hitches. The bill also would ban depictions of naked human breasts, buttocks or genitals, with offenses punishable by fines of up to $500. Read Article

Mr Honorable Legislator, I'd support this if we'd ban the rest of the bull too... like the shit.